Obviously, from my lame blog last night, nothing is ever new today. This semester break is just too damn boring but twas all good because I'm able to write something.

What to write now, then?

Thinking...

Buffering...

Ding!

I started wondering, how much have I changed for about 5 years ago? I remember I was like 90 lbs way back 2009 and I gained like almost 50 lbs (exaggerated) after 3 years until I started realizing how ugly I have become and decided to lose weight just about this year because I already got nothing else to wear but to buy a new one (always)! I'm blaming it all on the alcohol, though! That's what made me gained too much unwanted figures from that weighing scale. I guess I wasn't just really into myself that time because my whole world revolved around a stupid person (and I don't want to start giving y'all some details now.)

Two years ago, if I haven't shifted from my former course to my present course, I would've graduated from college already just like my friends who are now starting to settle down with their own families and they got their own houses and shits, too. Some already have kids while some have already traveled a few countries. And here I am, stuck in college; waiting for the last six months of my life in school and grab that degree that I have been waiting for like six or seven years now! This is so frustrating!

With that, I get easily frustrated. I am actually suffering from a mild Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) which I just later found out when I took BS Psychology. I usually wanted things to be done as how I pictured it to myself. When I plan things out, I always make sure it will happen the way I wanted it to. When it didn't turn out to be just as how I planned it to be, I'll start feeling so agitated and then there comes frustration.

I am a perfectionist. I always wanted everything to be organized and well-planned and neat and the list of perfectionism could go on. This is why I don't usually join any competitions because I fear failure and rejection. I hate the feeling of losing. It makes me feel like I don't possess enough skills which I can cater to everyone when I actually know that I have them. I remember when I was still active with my band and we joined an amateur competition which was the very first time that I ever competed against another bands (I'm on the vocals) and we won the battle (I feel so proud of my band that time), we were invited to another competition. I was refusing but we competed anyway. It didn;t turn out well for us. After that, I never joined any 'Battle of the Bands' ever again. Haha! Well, our competitors that time were all "punks-not-dead" kind of bands and we were like the "alternative-contemporary" type of a band so we didn't get the chance to show that off to the judges because they're all "hard-nut rockers",  too! Haha! But yeah, that was a good experience. So lately, I only play with my band on weddings, debuts, anniversaries, and such and I find it more fun, actually.

In relation to that, when I failed a few of my subjects from the last semester of the previous academic year, I felt so frustrated and I didn't even want to go back to school anymore. So, I asked my mom to book me a visa to KSA to live with them and work my butt off there.

I wasn't doing fine at school back then because of a break-up. I suffered from mild depression back then and it lasted for 4-5 month. I was skipping classes because I was losing concentration during classes. But, thank be to God, because my professors helped me out. They knew what I have beein going through and they're all aware that I was failing all of my subject that time so they enouraged me to keep on working atleast my thesis. I've been more than half-way to defending our study so they motivated me never to quit just yet because I still got the chance to make it better. And so I did! They're great motivators! I also got my 'Psych-o' squad with me that time. They did everything that they could and been cheering me up on a daily basis til I get through that hell-like phase of my life. So, I've only passed one subject (which was my thesis) and I failed the rest of my them. My friends were all graduates now. I'm hopeful, anyway! I know I'll get there. *winks*

That's what frustration does to me. It always just hits me hard and knocks me deep down! 

I mentioned that I also fear rejection. I hate the feeling of being rejected that's why I don't usually try to insist someone for something when they already said 'No'. Twice is enough. Thrice would make me slap you already! If you're up for it, say 'Yes!' but if you don't, just simply say 'No'.

I don't usually take 'No' as an answer, though. You should always bring with you a reasonable explanation, and if you would want to try to make up some shitty ones, you better come up with a good one. Dare not to make me figure out that you're lying. I'm good at it. I sure am.

But, something did change in me. Yep. Something.

I realized how amazing life can be when you start to do things that you've never done before. I realized how awesome my life could be if I try to break some rules; rules that I have been living with this long!

I learned that I should never regret anything that I've done before; the stupid things that I've done. Because at the end of that road, you'll eventually realize that it happened for good reason. You will never actually learn anything at all if you're too consumed with your fears in life. Life wouldn't be that great for you if you won't dare to take some risks. You will never enjoy what life could bring if you will always be afraid to make mistakes and fail for a few times!

Break some rules! Do things that you usually hate before! Be wild! Be awesome! Be stupid! Be obnoxious! Get wasted! Get high! Be the person that everyone usually hates even just for a day!

Don't ever fear of losing anyone! Your real people will always get you. You'll learn to find out who the real ones are by actually losing some. I've already proven that myself; many left but the best of the best stayed. I don't care if they're few in count. I get them and they get me and that'll be the best part of it. People come and go. If they left you and never returned, that only means that they're just a chapter in your life; their existence in your book is never meant to last.

Try to do things that you find unusual because it's way more fun than you could ever imagine! 

Bounce!

When you got nothing to do and it has been an idle day for ya, unexpected things would just suddenly pop out of your stupid brain which makes you just feel those uncertain mixed emotions that'll swung your mood from naaah to nadah!

You suddenly think about how many persons you've dated which ended tragically. You might not want to remember how stupid you have been with your past relationships but you got no choice cos your brain already activated your memory neurons and all the unwanted emotions were already running through your veins. You suddenly remember how often you tried to fight for other people when all they got to do is leave you hanging on nothing. You even remember how much you cried over a douche bag who didn't even care at all. (I hate this part.)

But just as much as how you wanted to distort these things, thank your amygdala which is trying to help you flight from them and recover from that sudden anxiety. You otherwise reminisce all the good moments you spent with your friends and all the silly things you did when you guys were drunk; all the good shits you had from that good shit you rolled with them; all the little fights you guys laughed about just before you could ever regret arguing with 'em cos you might end up being loner the next day in your class; your all-nighters squads and sudden roadtrips as y'all decided to skip classes the next day (this is getting better and better, huh); the wasted nights you guys had in the club and all your friends were like hookin' up with the other peeps while you just stay at the couch rejecting every fellas who's tryna hook up with you (cos I just can't and that ain't just my thang).

(And since its getting better and better...) You also remember that guy who made you feel like a princess when you were in highschool (I hope I could feel that again). You even smiled when you remembered your first kiss. Lol! And don't you dare forget that embarassing moment with your crush; your first ever romantic date; the extravagant gift you gave and all the efforts you did just to make him feel so special, and also, that first night you spent with a total stranger which turned to be the person you are starting to fall in love with cos you just can't deny that you really do like him though you can't find any reasons why. Just why? (I wonder why?) And I'll pause to that now.

I never believed how a total stranger could ever be that near to your mind. I've never felt that this would turn out this way. You might be wondering what the hell am I talking about. Right? Imagine this: meeting a person which you never intended to invest your feelings with but figured yourself one afternoon, daydreaming with this guy. Oh, how lame could love be! (Love is weird!) I hate romantic movies! (Ain't really just a fan. No hatin please! Haha!) I just find it so predictable though it gives me butterflies, too. I can't deny that! Disclaimer: I am a romantic person! Haha! Yuuuh! I know. Bipolar persons be like? LOL! (Why am I even sharing this?)

I'm just starting to think about what will happen next between us. Like, are we in the good part yet? Would this end up tragically, too? I hope fate could give me a hint already! Just right now as I am writing this, my eyes were starting to smile as I remember how he looks like on that last date we had. All his silly reactions and the way he talks. How he walk, how he wrap his arms around my waist and on my neck, how he laugh and grabs me in his arms. (Oh, fck, I'm stopping now.) I'm already smiling!!!! Come on, now! What am I feeling? Am I inlove with him or I'm just inlove with the feeling? Naaaah! I don't even hella know!

I'm gon look for some books instead, hoping it could lull me to sleep. Lol!

Well. I just can't find anything else to do this semester break so I guess this random blog could just help me do something "productive". Bounce!

I wasn’t sure when and how it happened but as far as I can remember, I am already a night person since I was in high school. Studies say that it is for the reason that staying up all night has become one’s routine, thus, your body clock adapted to this and it became a habit; making you become an all-nighters person. Well, as for me, yes it is true. Ever since I was in high school, what keeps me awake all night is the tons of school works plus the people (you closest pals, your all-time crush, and your bf/gf) that you talk to, the movies on HBO and FOX that you just can’t miss, and a good book that I just can’t drop yet cos the story is getting better and better as I turn the pages. There is no Facebook neither Twitter nor Instagram, and even Snapchat, during that time. All I have is a Friendster account and a Yahoo Messenger back then. So, social media isn’t really the reason that I stay up all night. (Otherwise, social media adds up to why I stay up all night these days.)

Coffee; it’s what most people need to keep themselves awake all night for some important papers to rush for the deadline. It’s their only weapon to get rid of sleeping, resisting the temptation from your fluffy bed and pillow. I love coffee. I don’t know what’s in this hot drink that every time I smell its aroma, I just can’t resist but rush to the nearest coffee shop or ready the coffeemaker and have a date with my cup of coffee. It is also my stress reliever (besides smoking). Studies have proven that coffee does make one stay awake. I ain’t sure what chemical it has or maybe it’s just all in the mind. I don’t know. Thus, my addiction to coffee maybe has something to do why I am always hyped up at night.

When I got to college, more school works filled its place among my schedules. Thus, more time on staying up all night was added up; it’s mandatory anyways. I met more friends; I’m legally an adult since I already turned 18, and exploring what’s around me was my form of adventure back then (that includes clubbing and getting wasted on alcohol, sudden road trips with my all-nighters squad) even kindled my sleepless nights. Plus, I’ve been more addicted to coffee that I can’t let a day pass without even having at least 3 cups of coffee (there should a cup of brewed coffee and the rest could be with either sugar or cream or milk).

So, for almost 9 years now, I’ve been a nocturnal freak. There were times that I’ve been missing the feeling of sleeping at night. The feeling that you have to go to bed because you’re already feeling sleepy and not just because you’re drunk or you’ve been too tired the whole day (cos draining myself during the day is what I usually do to assure that I’d be getting some sleep at night). I ain’t insomniac though. Cos insomniac peeps don’t really get some sleep. Like, they can stay awake for 24 hours without even feeling sleepy at all. In my case, I don’t. I still feel sleepy. It’s just that, I get sleepy during the day cos I’m up the whole night. And I don’t stay up all night cos I’m doing some stuff, whether that’s important or not. Most of the times, I stay up all night simply because I just can’t sleep, and I’ve been used to this form of routine and has become my lifestyle. There were some nights that I’d insist myself to go to bed as I close my eyes and relax, hoping that I’ll be feeling drowsy in a while. But, nadah! Nothing happened. That was terrible! If you just knew what it feels like? You might probably agree with me.

What’s more worse about being nocturnal is the late night thoughts that would just suddenly pop out of your mind cos you keep busying yourself on thinking how you would be able to fall asleep and it’s almost an hour already yet you still kept thinking about it but fails to do so anyway. These thoughts about your past mistakes, your tragic experiences from your exes, those ‘almost lovers’ moments with the person you thought was already the one for you, those times that you still regret until now cos you didn’t do the right thing, those things—these things make my night become even more impossible for me to get some sleep. I start contemplating on these matters. I start thinking about the future. The ‘what ifs’—random feelings of remorse and sudden changes of my moods that’ll make me feel like as if I’m on my PMS phase. And the next thing I knew, it’s already 4AM! Boom! It’s another sleepless night on the record.

So, whoever among my readers out there who has the same experiences as I do; please let me know what’s up with you. If you have found out the answer to this syndrome, let me know immediately. Cos I badly want to know what made you survive from this catastrophe.

And to those who are having so much fun staying sleepless at night, follow me on my social media accounts and let’s talk about it. Yes?

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This is a trending topic on Facebook about the mother and the daughter who mistreated a cashier staff in McDonald's Angeles, Pampanga, PH because the staff "cannot" communicate with them "properly" in English.

I reposted this on my page on Facebook. Some of my friends liked the post while some left a comment about their thoughts on this matter. And one of the comments was this:

"Does education is enough to be called educated? And what does education gotta do with speaking in English?  Why do we always brought up our education when we end up into an argument? I just don't understand why. Not because I didn't go to college but is that already enough to consider myself uneducated? Is there a difference between education, educated, intelligent and knowledgeable? Or are we just egoist that we always come up with a self-defense mechanism that if we let our egos control us, we come up with lame excuses like letting everyone know that you went to college and that makes you educated? Hahaha. Help me out to understand, Gee. I am not sure if my common sense is right.."

This is the exact comment that a friend of mine left on the post that I reposted. It's better not to name that person for confidentiality purposes.

I paused for a while as I read the comment. And when ideas started blurting out from my mind, this is what I wrote as a response to the comment. Here it goes:

*
I've known only a few people who act accordingly with their brains.

Being intelligent wouldn't be defined by education alone. Cos intelligence is innate (that's my point of view according to the researches that I've read) and education only enhaces it. Being knowledgeable is likewise being informative or well-grounded about a certain matter. Those two are defined differently.

Nowadays, we can hardly differentiate educated people from uneducated people. Cos some factors affect it such as attitude (which greatly separates the two).

We can never really distinguish who's educated and who's not. Cos some educated people act like they're uneducated and vice versa. (What's happening to this society?)

Thus, I've notice a few reasons why. And this will surely make a lot of sense. Here they are:

1. Regarding this post, people should stop correlating one's fluency in English to their level of education. Though education is a factor, but not that alone. Cos there are a few peeps out there who are degree holders but can't even properly use "YOUR" and "YOU'RE". (And I sure know a lot of people like this and it is so embarassing for their part like what the hell happened back when they were still in school?)

2. Regarding #1, if you want to be fluent in English, study the language. Reading books help a lot. Being fluent in English isn't even a requirement in our English classes, right? Fluency in that language is actually a skill that can be learned or practiced. Okay?

3. In addition to that, just STOP speaking in English if you know to yourself that you ain't comfy enough to do so. Stop trying so hard only to sound stupid. Check your vocabs. If you ain't comfy but you just can't stop trying to speak in English, then better bring with you a dictionary...always!

4. An educated person should never drag anyone down just because they didn't go to college. Cos educated people, I believe, learnt proper conduct. (They should have!)

5. Fluency in English will never make you become a better person amongst anyone neither would it put you ahead of anybody nor will it ever make you sound cool or elite. Let's just drop that mentality already!

6. Open rebuke is better than hidden love. If you know anyone or if you have been in a situation where you heard someone used the English language improperly, correct them. If you can't get rid of becoming rude cos they ain't just grammar geeks, just atleast let them know why and what made it wrong. Make sure you taught them their lessons; grammar lessons to be exact.

7. The English language has been a useful tool in many different ways especially in this competitive and fast-pacing generation. You might get left behind if you can't barely comprehend a conversation using the language.
***

That is what I posted as a response. But I still have something in my mind now that I want to say:

Education is everyone's right; a privelege to be able to have a degree. BUT, education isn't about becoming intelligent or smart or wise or knowledgeable or whatever shit you want to call it. Education is one of the keys to finding a good job and being able to get along in this competitive world. But most importantly, education is about shaping someone to become a better person despite this world's cruelty. In school, we learn how to become compassionate. We learn how to treat people with kindness despite their status in life (we were taught of that manner since prep-school!) We learn how to respect everyone regardless of their age or gender. We learn how to give back and forgive. We learn how to become a good example for everybody. We learn not only how to find the x, y or z from our Algebra classes nor the history of our country and the different laws and human rights neither the anatomy of the our respiratory system and the fuction of each parts, BUT we also learn how to become a better person of the community.

What I am trying to say is that, if you are bragging your education to everyone, then let these people see what your education brought you: not just the degree that you got but the better person that you should've become as you finish your studies. Right?

Education about LEARNING: being able to learn; knowing how to learn; realizing what you have to learn; applying what you have learned; retaining what you have learnt; and sharing what you have learned to everybody.

As to this "mother-and-daughter McDo issue", their behavior isn't a good sign that they are "educated" cos they created a scandal for some senseless reasons they have toward the staff. Another thing is their attitude on how they disrespect the cashier staff and the manager as well which proved enough that they are one of the many scumbags who brag their education to everyone but doesn't reflect the learning in it. (Who's uneducated now?)

PS.
What pisses me off mostly in this issue is when the mother asked the manager to form two lines in the cashier where one is for the educated people and the other one is for the normal people. NORMAL PEOPLE? Again, I've read it correctly, right? She did say 'Normal people'. How does she define normal? So, in that case, educated people ain't normal? And when a person is normal, they ain't edcuated? Is that what she's tryna say? Hahaha! Explain it to me, please.