NOV. 23, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I have been enjoying the grace of God with so much strength and hope today. Hoping that someday, I may be able to seek the way out of this current state I am in. Until I suddenly came to my senses; realizing that problems are constant in this life. As long as you are living, they will always be around.
Nevertheless, making my classmates laugh over my silly random jokes were helpful to easing down the burden in my heart. It seems like I am enjoying this facade of a strong and happy person. People always assume that I am one of the few people in this world who can live this life lightly; a happy-go-lucky type of person who never worries about what might happen next. (Oh, how I wish they knew what's going on my mind.) It has been a habit; a form of addiction, an escape. Making people laugh is beneficial for me--a great epiphany for the day.
We all live like authors--we write own stories and choose how it will end. We create different chapters of our lives with our own art of narration; with our own art of ups and downs of its tone and climax. The ending may written in a satisfactory form, disappointing or even open-ended to give it just another series of hoping in vain. It is all a matter of choice.
As I was having lunch earlier today, I remembered how I came up to this crucial event in my life where I have to consider its pros and cons--being torn and all. This can either break me into pieces or turn me into a brand new person. For almost two weeks of contemplating, it was hard for me to accept that these all happened by my own will. I, now, can fully fathom why I am suffering and yet the burden never became tolerable.
The odds of this life; everything is always ironic.
Through the grace of God, I still enjoyed the day. I wasn't late for my 7 AM class and that was already an improvement (because I have been tardy for almost 2 weeks now.) When I got home from school, I decided to watch "Forest Gump" starring my favorite Hollywood actor, Tom Hanks, for our SpEd class and I enjoyed the film.
So far, I am feeling better today and even enjoying it more with this choc for my midnight snack.
So far, I am feeling better today and even enjoying it more with this choc for my midnight snack.
Good night!
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