GEECHOLOGY: November 2010

NOV. 23, 2010

Devotional Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I have been enjoying the grace of God with so much strength and hope today. Hoping that someday, I may be able to seek the way out of this current state I am in. Until I suddenly came to my senses; realizing that problems are constant in this life. As long as you are living, they will always be around.

Nevertheless, making my classmates laugh over my silly random jokes were helpful to easing down the burden in my heart. It seems like I am enjoying this facade of a strong and happy person. People always assume that I am one of the few people in this world who can live this life lightly; a happy-go-lucky type of person who never worries about what might happen next. (Oh, how I wish they knew what's going on my mind.) It has been a habit; a form of addiction, an escape. Making people laugh is beneficial for me--a great epiphany for the day.

We all live like authors--we write own stories and choose how it will end. We create different chapters of our lives with our own art of narration; with our own art of ups and downs of its tone and climax. The ending may written in a satisfactory form, disappointing or even open-ended to give it just another series of hoping in vain. It is all a matter of choice.

As I was having lunch earlier today, I remembered how I came up to this crucial event in my life where I have to consider its pros and cons--being torn and all. This can either break me into pieces or turn me into a brand new person. For almost two weeks of contemplating, it was hard for me to accept that these all happened by my own will. I, now, can fully fathom why I am suffering and yet the burden never became tolerable.

The odds of this life; everything is always ironic.

Through the grace of God, I still enjoyed the day. I wasn't late for my 7 AM class and that was already an improvement (because I have been tardy for almost 2 weeks now.) When I got home from school, I decided to watch "Forest Gump" starring my favorite Hollywood actor, Tom Hanks, for our SpEd class and I enjoyed the film.

So far, I am feeling better today and even enjoying it more with this choc for my midnight snack.

Good night!

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SUNSHINE (A SHORT STORY)

Compositions Saturday, November 06, 2010

It was the first time I am going to write a short story. I was inspired by my professor in Philippine Literature. She is so amazing and so I planned writing down one. Here it goes.

http://www.hdwallpapers.org/cute-little-girl-with-teddy-bear-wallpapers.html

One Tuesday morning...

"I will take care of you for now while your owner is away. I know your owner will come for you and will find you and will take you away from me. But for now, let me take care of you," the little girl said.

I love playing cars. Yes, I know I should rather play dolls but I don't want them. I have a collection of different cars; different sizes and colors and styles--I love playing with them. When I wake up in the morning, I would look for them in my room and wonder where did Mommy put them. I will play with them that I'd even forget eating my cookies and milk for breakfast. Mommy would even yell at me, asking me to take my breakfast first but I will hide in the backyard instead as she tries to find me. I'd laugh silently because she couldn't find me. And then,

"BOOG! WAPAW! SMASH!",

I exclaimed as I was playing with my toys.

As I was playing and happened to look from afar, I saw something. Near the mango tree. I wonder what this one was. I went near to it. As I slowly took my steps and kind of surprising myself, I felt excited! It was a bear; a very beautiful, cuddly bear. But it looked bit dirty. I really wonder how this bear got herself here.

"Does anybody owns her?", I asked myself. "Does the owner left it there?"

There is no one around who might have dropped her. So, I planned to bring her home with me. As we were walking back home, skipping as I held her tight in my left hand, I dropped my favorite red car. I stared at it to the ground but I didn't mind and left anyway.

"From now on, you will be mine. I never had a bear before, you know. And we will be friends forever. Okay?"

"I will call you, Sunshine."

I felt extremely happy!

"I am so excited to show this to Mommy."

Finally, we're home.

"Mommy, meet Sunshine. Sunshine, meet Mommy."

"Oh, nice meeting you, Sunshine. But honey, where did you get it?"

"In the backyard Mommy. Near the mango tree. Isn't she beautiful?"

"I think it was dropped by someone, honey. Sunshine might be owned by someone else."

"It doesn't matter. I looked for anybody around but there is none. I will take care of her anyway."

I hurriedly ran to my room. I washed her and put her perfume.

"Voila! You're clean."

We jumped on the bed...and jump and jump. I played with her for hours. I, for instance, forgot my robots and my cars and I don't mind. The whole day through, I played with Sunshine alone.

I'm sleepy. I want to go sleep now. Before I close my eyes, I told Sunshine,

"I wonder why your owner left you there. You are beautiful enough to be treasured. I will take care of you for now while your owner is away. I know your owner will come looking for you and will take you away from me. But for now, let me take care of you while waiting for that day."

I hugged Sunshine so tight and she slept beside me.

The next day,

"Good morning, Sunshine!"

I brushed my teeth and then put on my prettiest dress.

"Come, Sunshine. You should be ready, now. We will be visiting Mommy's friends. Mommy said they will be having a reunion and there will be couple of kids there, too! I should bring you and so they could meet you."

In the car, it was 9:45 in the morning. Mommy said, we'll be there in a minute. I showed Sunshine how beautiful it is outside. And I know she is so happy. I can feel it from her heartbeat, I know she 's happy being with me.

"I will never leave you. My owner might take me away from you one day, but I will still be there for you."

"We're here! Wake up now! Hurry," Mommy said.

Oh, is that a dream? Sunshine just talked to me!

"Mommy, Sunshine just talked!"

"Oh! You were dreaming. Come now, go down. They are waiting for us."

Oh, I can't believe it was just a dream! I stared at Sunshine and I smiled at her. Yes, I know what she said. I will keep that promise.

There are so many people in here! And lots of kids, too! I should let them meet Sunshine.

In the pool, there are the kids. Playing happily. I went there and ready to introduce Sunshine.

"It's time for you to meet them, Sunshine."

There they are, a group of kids coming near to me. Suspiciously looking at my bear.

"Hey, I am Molly. Is that a bear?"

"Yes, it is. She is Sunshine. Isn't she beautiful?"

"Yeah, but my toy looks prettier than she do. Anyway, come and play with us. Let's swim! Bring your bear with you."

"No, she can't swim. Thank you anyway."

"Oh, come on! It'll be fun."

They are insisting me to go swim with them and with Sunshine. But I really don't want to go for swim! Molly held my hand so tight and took Sunshine from my grip. The other girl pushed me and the other one ran to me, taking Sunshine away. I got mad because no one should take Sunshine away from me. I bit Molly and..

"I said no!"

I insisted and hardly pushed Molly away from me. I ran to take Sunshine from her. But Molly doesn't want to give Sunshine back to me. I pushed her harder and grabbed Sunshine from her grip. I ran inside the house and looked for Mommy but I couldn't find her. I fixed myself. Looked at Sunshine and hugged her.

"They almost got you. But I will never let that happen. You are safe with me now."

Early in the evening and we're back home.

"What a day! I really hate Molly. How can she be so jealous with me having a bear like Sunshine. I don't want to see her anymore. I should not take Sunshine anywhere near her. She is so mad."

I told Mommy everything that happened. Mom was so surprised about what I did. I ranted out that I really love Sunshine and I will never let that happen to her again.

Them, I saw Mommy's face like as if there is something wrong. Is it something about what I said? I asked her why but she said,

"Nothing, child."

I am bothered. Why would Mommy have that kind of look on me. What happened might have happened?

I went to my room. I washed up and about to go to sleep. I was staring at Sunshine.

"Why did Mommy acted like that, huh? Why do you think? Is she just tired or something?"

And Sunshine was just looking at her, seated in the bed.

"Anyway, I want to give you something."

While taking this pretty red floral box.

"This is one of the poems I wrote about you. I hope you like it. There is a bracelet, too. Here..."

It was a purple, shining bracelet.

"You should put them on now. This will be the symbol of our friendship. As you can see, it has no end, no lock, and it is perfectly fitted only for you. Our friendship will be never like anybody else's. It will have no end, perfectly fitted, like this bracelet."

I slept with so much joy and fulfillment. This was the best toy I ever had entire life. I really don't know what it is like having a bear. She is more than just a toy for me. She is my friend. My best friend.

It was dark, and they are all after me. They are taking Sunshine away from me. I am running so fast, I do not know where to go. I am begging them not to take her. I cried for help but no one is listening. I hugged Sunshine so tight and told her,

"Whatever happens, just hold tight. Don't go way from me."

"Child, wake up now. We have a visitor. They wanted to talk to you."

Another bad dream. I hate bad dreams. Why does it have to be the second time around that someone always wanted to take her? Didn't they understand? She is mine. No one will ever take her.

And then I remembered what Mommy said, a visitor for me? Who might that be? And why so early? I changed clothes and fix myself before going out. I brought Sunshine with me. I took my steps going down slowly.

She was a tall lady and she has a kid with her. Who is this? Oh! She looks familiar. Is that Molly? Why is she here? I held Sunshine tight. Does she really wanted to steal Sunshine from me and even followed me where I lived? This is so embarrassing.

"Mommy why are they here? And Molly, the little mad girl I told you about in the party, she is the one who wanted to steal Sunshine. Why are they here?"

"Listen honey, this is her Mom. And they wanted to tell you something."

Oh, maybe they wanted to apologize for what her daughter did. Good thing then. I will listen and forgive Molly for that.

"Hello little girl. I am Mrs. Rose and this is my daughter, Molly. We live not a couple of blocks away from your house. Last week, while Molly was playing with her toy, her friend accidentally threw her toy away and never found it. It was her favorite toy and we have been looking for it for days. And when you are in the party the last time, Molly saw you holding her toy. That bear that you are holding is hers, my dear. And so we are here to take her back."

No! This is not true! Why are they here. No, I will not give her. She is mine. No. I was about to run to my room but Mommy stopped me.

"Mommy, let me go. I will not give her."

"Honey, I told you already before. It might be owned by someone. And now, this day finally came, it is not right for you to just keep her when she is not really yours to keep. Please, child. Give it back to them."

"But Mommy..." (sobbing)

"We know you have kept her as your best friend. But she wasn't really yours," Molly said.

And I got no choice. I finally gave Sunshine to them--back to her owner. I haven't even got the chance to say goodbye and even spend one more day with her before she leaves. And there she goes. She was looking at me, I know she wanted to stay but she have to leave. I will keep our promise.

Mommy is right, she is not really mine to keep.

"I will never forget you, Sunshine. I will always remember you."

Many months have passed and it was still hard for me. I really tried playing again with my cars and my robots and yet I can't feel the joy anymore. Mommy even bought a new set of cars for me. But I wanted Sunshine. I remember when she said that she will stay whatever happens, and where is she now? Away, afar from me. Where are her promises?

I've lost my Sunshine.

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Poems Tuesday, November 02, 2010

MOTHER'S ARMS

I wish I was a child again,

Nestled in my mother's arms.

I long to hear "It'll be all right,"

As she gently strokes my hair.

'Cause grownup problems can seem too tough.

Hard to face them on my own.

I wish I was a child again,

Nestled in my mother's arms.

TOO MUCH TIME

At the root of insanity

Is having too much time on your hands--

Too much time to think--

Too much time to remember past hurts

And to wish things could be different.

Too much time spent alone,

Staring at these four walls

With too much time to think,

To remember past hurts

And to wish things were different.

Got to rid myself of this insanity.

I'll busy myself with a flurry of activities

And seek the companionship of others.

They´ll tell me time heals all wounds,

But for now I'll still cry--

When I have too much time to think

And remember past hurts,

Wishing things are different.

WHEN I'M HURTING

It's easier for you to walk away, than it is for you to reach out to me.

It's easier for you to look away, than it is for you to see the depth of my despair.

It's easier for you to look through me, than it is for you to see "me."

It's easier for you to distance yourself, than it is for you to really care.

It's easier for you to hear, than it is for you to listen.

It's easier for you to judge, than it is for you to understand.

It's easier for you to label, than it is to get acquainted.

It's easier for you to bask in your joy, than it is for you to feel my pain.

It's easier for you to bewilder at my mysteries, than it is for you to probe deeply into the depths of my soul.

It's easier for me to look away, than it is to let you see the feelings betrayed through my eyes.

It's easier for me to cry, than it is for me to talk.

It's easier for me to walk alone, than it is to risk rejection.

It's easier for me to push you away, than it is for me to be held.

It's easier for me to distance myself, than it is to trust that you won´t hurt me.

It's easier for me to die, than it is for me to face life's challenges.

It's hard for me to smile when I am hurting.

It's hard for me to talk when you won't understand.

It's hard for me to reach out when I need help the most.

If only you'd really look at me and see who I am.

If only you cared enough to reach out when I push you away.

If only you'd hold me, without asking why.

If only you'd acknowledge the validity of my feelings.

But it's the easy roads that are most often taken.

And so I hurt alone.

WHO WILL CRY?

If tonight I die,

Who will cry?

Strangers with their feigned interest,

While those I love have turned away.

And if my best isn't good enough,

What more can I give?

Go ahead--walk away.

Just leave me here alone.

And if tonight I die,

Who will cry?

All my strength is drained,

With nothing left to give.

Drowning in the depths of sorrow,

No tears left to cry.

A silent voice and distant eyes

That no one hears or sees.

And if tonight I die,

Who will cry?

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NOV. 23, 2010

SUNSHINE (A SHORT STORY)

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