After my morning routine, I happen to take a look back with my past relationships. I remember all the happy memories, the mistakes I did, the pain they left me scarred with until today, the promises that were left broken, and just everything from the past. I, then, came to an idea of writing something about how do we come up to a decision of dating someone. What should be the criteria or should there be none? Does it comes with an immediate feeling of Love or just a wild infatuation which will lead us there eventually, too?
Thus, who should you date then?
You should date someone you can goof around with. Someone who can embrace your craziness. Someone who finds you beautiful even if you already look stupid. (That's kinda cute!) Someone you can laugh your ass off with. Someone who doesn't have to ask you to change but is content of who you are as being you yourself.
You should date someone you don't have to impress. Someone who doesn’t have to ask you to act in a certain way or speak in a certain manner so you can attract them. You should date someone who is impressed by your uniqueness; by your originality. Someone who is not driven by the mainstream generation but by authenticity and by how real you are. Remember: You should date someone whom you don’t have to impress because they're already impressed by you and with who you are.
You should date someone you can be too honest with. This is the hardest part, I guess. To find someone you can date whom you can trust all your secrets with and feel comfortable of telling them about all the crazy stories you kept inside. As you have become too fragile because of all your failed relationships from the past, take enough time to find someone whom you can trust in the max level!
You should date someone who listens and tries to understand. Date someone who always tries to understand you without even judging. Someone who can drop everything by the second you ask for their time to vent out your shits to them and help you keep it together. You should date someone who will always get you even when you're messed up already.
You should date someone who doesn’t expect you to have a spotless life or a spotless past. Date someone who doesn’t make you feel afraid of sharing your worst mistakes. Date someone whom you won't feel ashamed with of saying you don’t know something. Date someone who is not afraid of teaching you and who is willing to learn from you too. You should date someone who will accept you that you are a human being who is susceptible to making mistakes.
In connection with the previous statement, you should date someone who will always forgive you. Someone who will always give you endless chances of giving it another try to work things out with you. Date someone who wouldn't just give you the space for a change but will actually open doors for you to become a better version of yourself. Thus, you should date someone who will inspire you to be successful.
You should date someone who doesn’t care about status. Date someone who is over-impressing people with who they date (and that should be you). Date someone who knows better; someone who gets it and someone who doesn’t think of people as "trophies" (because only scumbags will do that) and date someone who knows that having you by their side is enough. Again, someone who is sure that having you, and you alone, is enough.
You should date someone who always finds you beautiful. Date someone who always reminds you that you can be yourself and you will still be loved. Date someone that even on your worst or weakest days you still mean the world to them. Date someone who still thinks you’re hot even when you’re tired and pale. Or even when you are barely speaking a word. Date someone who finds your quirks endearing. Date someone who finds you sexy even after eating a couple cups of rice or tons of plate on a buffet meal. Date someone who finds you sexy just wearing a lose white shirt and pajamas, and will find you more gorgeous especially when you're all dressed up for a fancy party for the night. You should date someone who will make you feel that you are the only girl that they admire.
And this is the greatest part of my realization:
You should date someone who can ease your anxiety. Don’t date the guy who makes your life even harder than it already is. (Cos that is pretty unacceptable!) Date a guy who understands that you’re a gentle soul. Date a guy who is capable of easing your anxiety.
Why? Here's the thing: Maybe you suffer from panic attacks. Maybe you’re just an average girl who overthinks about anything and everything. But none of that should matter to him. Because if you’re with the right person, you wouldn't have to worry about scaring him away with your “craziness.” Because to him, it won’t be craziness at all. It’ll just be you. And he’ll be there for you, because he loves you.
You see, the right guy won't be judging you when your anxiety starts overpowering you. The right guy will not make any lame excuses to leave just because he is feeling uncomfortable with your situation. The right guy is going to sit on the floor with you, to calm you down, and help you steady your breathing. The right guy is going to hold you in his arms until you stop shaking and will even let you use his sleeves to wipe the mess of tears on your face. He will always be there emotionally and physically and spiritually, until you feel better again.
When you find the right guy, a guy who can ease your anxiety, you’ll never feel like a burden again. Unlike your exes, he won’t make fun of you for getting too upset over such “silly little things.” He won’t get pissed off by how often you cry over seemingly nothing. He won’t blame you for ruining a fun night out with his friends.
Above all, he won’t make you feel like complete shit for having feelings.
He’ll hate your anxiety, yep that is for sure! But he won’t hate it because of all the trouble it causes him. (Only boys who are pretending to be a man will do that because they got no balls to man up for you. Believe me!) He’ll hate your anxiety because of what it does to you. He’ll hate it, because he never wants to look at your beautiful face covered with tears or your beautiful body trembling with fear. He’ll hate it, because he loves you.
Whatever you do, never let yourself believe that your anxiety makes you unlovable. As you know from experience, some men won’t be able to handle it, but those are men you’re better off without. Trust me, there’s a guy out there who won’t give a fuck about your anxiety. No matter how many times you break down in front of him, he’ll never look at you and see some pathetic bitch. All he’ll see is his stunning girlfriend, the love of his life..
Finally, you should date someone who doesn’t make you feel like dating them is a race you need to win. That you have to compete for their attention and love. That you have to work on your resume so they can accept you, that you have to learn more skills so they can approve of you and date someone who thinks you’re overqualified to even participate in these ridiculous non-sense games. Date someone who doesn’t even want to play because the game ended the moment they met you.
My Love,
I might have not found you yet, but I know that we will cross each other's path soon. In the right time, in the perfect time, I say, I will find you and you will find me. While I take time to fix myself from all the brokenness it has been through, I will be a better version of myself when I see you. My love, whoever you are, I will see you soon.
